Do I really need a purpose in life?????

So I got think today. Do I really need a purpose in life???

I mean what that really mean. Do I need this for my daily existance?? Will I be less of a human without a purpose??

I can still go through every day without one. So far I managed 37 years of my life without beeing passionate about anything. Without any clear purpose in life. And I think I am pretty happy. I guess.

What does i really mean – purpose. I do not serve any greater higher power. So as long as I’m happy with myself I’m ok right?

I don’t need anyones approval that I am happy.

I am happy….. I think……

I go through my life day by day…… I wake up, I asses my previous day and I try for this day to be better than yesterday. Not for anybody else, not for society. I do it for me and for me only.

I know it sounds selfish but who gives a rat’s ass. I do live my own life and I do everything to make myself happy. Isn’t that the main goal of our lives. To be and to be happy – whatever makes us happy??

But if I had to have a purpose ?? What would it be…………….

Hospitality has changed…. and kids restaurants are the worst right now.

Ohhhh boy. Where do I even begin. I have so much anger and dissapointment inside of me at the moement that I’m affraid I will simply explode one day. Right in front of all the restaurant guests. I don’t remember when I was so stress at work.

People used to be nice you know.

When they were coming to eat to the restaurant – it was like – “I am a guest in somebodys place. So I will behave like I’m a guest. I will respect the rules of the establishment and beheave my best.” And Now……. “I’ making you a favour that I choose your restaurant over hundreds of others. So you better be extra nice, take the abuse and ideally gie me staff for free… If not I’m gonna make up a fake story or unload my frustration on some review website where other people will see me like a hero.

That’s pretty mch summarizes all the current guests attitude. You cannot talk to people any more. It’s near impossible. Almost everyone seems to be so self centred and “entitled” that normal treatmant of service staff does not exist anymore. Everyone wants everything now and in the way they want it. Doesn’t matter what’s on offer. Change it. Modify. Do everything to please me and keep me happy or I’m gonna unload ALL my frustrations on you. In the end you are in a service. so you’re here to serve – (BTW – that’s what I was recently told by one nasty 16th year old”) – just amazing

Yes. I do work in the restaurant. And lately it seems in the worst kind of a restaurant. CHILD ORIENTED restaurant.
Whoever works in the kids restaurants knows what I’m talking about. But it has been a nightmare. People just come over, bring their kids and expect that we will take care of them while they drink their Pinot Grigios and epensive cocktails. The thing is that we do not even have a play ground. so kids cannot safely play anywhere or be supervised by a at least semiproffesional for that matter.
So what happens? Kids end up runnig and screaming all over the restaurant for most of the days with parents not giving even half a f**k. Which is ridiculous. We are not a olay ground!!. We are a restaurant which just happends to be themed for children. We still carry trays full of hot food and hot beverages. I’m geniuinly surprised that no kid got hurt yet. I know this is only thanks to my staff who is extra vigilant.

And parents……. Where do I start on those……. Honestly I do not know why most of them even have kids. If they look after them at home in the same way as they do after them in the restaurant we are into horrible future. We will end up with spoiled brats who just scream for attention as all the parrents are to busy begging for attention themselves, constantly posting on Facebook, Instagram or even making “cute, short Tik Tok Videos” how great parents they are for taking their kids to this amazing restaurant.
Honestly it makes me vomit how fake and pretencius this is,

I’ll better stop as this short post will turn into a long rant about how sociaety is going down the drain.

P.S – Big kudos to the girls from Starbucks who posted her rant about all of this on Tik Tok 🙂 – keep strong girl.

Brain Explodes – Let’s Continue

I had been away from here for soooooo long that I’ve nearly forgotten about existance of my own blog.
It was supposed to be easy way to release overspill of my thoughts.
Lately I’ve been so busy that I was coming up with constant excuses not to write. I wanted to during the day and than after work….. puff. All energy gone….. couldn’t get myself to write.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not a writer. My profesion is so far from writiting anything (as you can probably see through my grammar :)) Writing is not essential to my day to day existance. Maybe that’s why it is so difficult to write.. 🤔 Who knows.

I think that in the end writing does help me release mental preasure so I will try to continiue.

So what had been bothering me lately???? …… In short – A LOT….. especially carrear wise.

I just managed to open succesfully huge restaurant project. We’ve been operating for over 6 weeks now. reviews are coming in – they not perfect but overall experiance is very positive. Considering the situation I managed to gather very good team of service staff. They all hard working and eager to learn. All procedures in the restaurant are falling slowly in to place, and yet……….. I’m extramely unhappy with the result…… or with the job itself. Hard to say.

It could be as well that I’mm tired of people. Oh and I’m so tired of people. All the guests coming in seem so spoiled. Thinking that they its their god given right to treat service staff like servants and the place like they own it.
Every second complaint it’s so baseless that this would have been unthinkable 20 years ago. On top of that all the threats of – “I will post bed review on all platforms” it’s been ridicolous. And owners all they care about is Facebook image, google reviews, tripadvisor……. that gives people to much power.
And to add to this I hate when Bosses interfere with bookings and seatings. Just learn to say bloody NO to the owners. grow some balls – if I’m telling you I don’t have tables it means – I do not have physical tables. I cannot just magically make another room with 20 more tables. I don’t care that those are the owner friends. No tables means – NO TABLES…. simple is that – telling me “make your mirracles you always manage” is not encuraging – rather opposite – it is very disrespectfull and to me it seems that you don’t believe and don’t trust me in running the business. It shows that “I know better even that I haven’t even been here for one shift during service.

All this brings me again to one HUGE Question – what should I do. – work wise I mean.
On this tiny dot of an Island there is so few opportunities that changing a carrear might be difficult. and anything I’m passionate bout it simply cannot work here or I don’t have enough money to start on it.

Will see. I’ve order digital note pad hoping that it will help me organize my life – I know – wishfull thinking – notepad will not organize my life- I need to do it myself. Maybe if I write it on the bottom of each of my daily note I will not forget…………


I’m so lost I don’t care for any of this

It’s been horrible 3 weekss. I did spend most of my days at work. About 14hours a day. When I honestly don’t even care for this job.

This is really crazy that we have to do this. Having not much savings I cannot really afford to requalify myself so I’m stuck in this job which I don’t enjoy anymore. Worst is that I’m out of ideas how to deal with this and getting more and more frustrated each day at work.

Work ethics in Malta are non existent and It feels like I’m gonna work either until I quit or until I drop sick from exhaustion. That’s not right. I really need to find a way how to deal with that.

From next week I’m reducing my work hours. I have to otherwise I’m not gonna manage my life anymore. I’m behind with private projects to the extreme. I haven’t been riding my bike at all. No YouTube creations. Nothing.

Maybe I should learn basic animation and story telling 🤔 that could be fun.

I got lost in work again

I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself.

I had such a good plans to keep my sanity and private life in order didn’t work out really.

Now with pre-opening of my latest project I barely sleep, don’t see my girlfriend at all. And motorcycle was abandoned long time ago.

Will see how it goes. If I won’t manage to sort myself out with this project by end of next week – reevaluation of priorities will be a must.

What a week…….. I better stop and have a glass of wine.

I am so happy it’s finally Sunday……

It was one of most difficult work weeks I had in years. Extramely intense and with ton of preasure.

Hotel is getting more and more busy with now having over 400 people in house, no experianced staff, 2 outlets operating to the limits and no one really to help it got its toe on me.

On top of that preparation for opening new franchise outlet reached its creatical phase and preasure just keeps mounting up. This week I dicovered that way kitchen is build is actuall very different from how it was designed and I’m not sure yet how are we gonna work around it.

But my biggest worry is that We are still missing a lot of contaiers with decorations, scenery, equipment. A lot is still missing and with arrival dates very, very close to the date when instalation team was suppose to get here.

Customs are not helping out either. Almost every container is stuck for days before they get their heads around what it contains and release it. I’m hoping we will manage to get it all together somehow.

Worst thing is that there is no one to help. Company is still working on Minimum teams. everyone is doing job of 2 or 3 people, recruitment is dissaster not only because there is no people but as well because HR is simply overloaded and she’s not managing at all.

In the middle of this I had my first COVID Vaccine shot and I lost almost 2 full days. First right after vaccine I felt sick and on a second day It was impossible to focus on anything. Exrtramely weird. Never felt like this.

At least uesterday I’ve managed to catch up finally a bit on a office work. Created few new procedures, wrote down SOP’s, maybe this week I can start focusing on trainign my supervisors. That will be a good change.

It will be a tough summer. that’s for sure. Still considering that 6 weeks ago I had only 2 staff memebers, no procedures, no one who understands F&B, no equipment and no plan – I wthink I’ve managed well.

Today’s Writing feels a bit like complate mess.
I better stop and get a glass of wine …….

Getting lost in workload – again……

For some reason since I came back home I have not had time to write even a single word for the blog.

It’s not like I didn’t had any ideas. Just never found time. Or in better words – never made time.

I got lost in work so much that again I was very close to turning my life upside down. All because I don’t know how to put brakes on myself. To stop and leave things for later.

When I came back from all those uselessq uarantines I was so behind with work that I ended up doing 80hr weeks for 3 weeks in a row as a effect, and not that anybody forced me to. It was all my own choosing. Effects? yes I caught up at work but nearly lost my girlfriend in the process -AGAIN -however I need to admit that she was more undarstanfing this time than before.

And I cannot blame her. We didn’t see each other for near 8 weeks and what I do when I’m back. I dissapear again – this time for work. Which is even worse as I’m often stressed and agitated and not easy to talk to.

So from this week I made a hard choice. I need to work on managing my work time better:

  • Day off is a must – and it must be undisturbed,
  • Need to find people to whom I can delegate more, so I don’t have to do everything myself
  • Find a way to relax during work. some quick stress relief will be amazing.
  • Organize work topics much better – reviews at the end of day
  • Time management !!!!!!!!!
  • Try to talk to people and make friends at work – this should help.

WIll see how this is works out. I have not reached boiling point at work yet but I have a feeling it’s approaching fast.

And said that it’s time for me to go to work 🙂 ………

Finally Home…

It so good to be back home. After 24 days on quarantine in 3 different hotels I finally was allowed to go home.
I was away for nearly 2 months, 8 weeks exactly.
And it felt weird to walk in back to the apartment. Like walking into someone elses apartment.
It took nearly a full day to relax a bit. My girlfriend still feels a bit off. Like she has to get use to my presence again.

But it was incredibly good to sleep in my own bed again. in the past 8 weeks I slept in 4 different beds and none can compare to my own :). Maybe it’s the whole package. Bed, room, noises around. It all felt very familiar and soothing.

Today I went out to check on my car and I couldn’t believe it.
Just look at this so durty. Looked like it was abandoned for years 🙂 They had here quite few dirty rains bringing all the dust from Sahara desert.
I got it washed briefly but there is dust everywhere…. Good I don’t pay much attention to it. As long as it drives its good and fulfils it’s purpose 🙂
All fluids were good and even tires held the preasure. Pleasently surprised. Not bad for a car which costed me less than the laptop I writing this blog on 😀

After the Car it was time for the motorcycle. That was a real pleasure 🙂

It was parked under covers so It looked much better. Only some dust and dirt here and there but in generall nothing major.
I took it for a spin – It didn’t wan’t to start on me on the beginning.
Old carborated engine needed a little bit of encouregment. But it fired up in less than five tries.

It was really good to be back on the road. Even for 20minutes only.

I’ll better finish the day. Tomorrow first time at work since beginning of March. It might be a weird one. Will see how that goes ..

Will need to come with some good plan for whole week other wise I’ll get lost.

Till the next one. ……

What a rollercoaster ……

What a day. Honestly I would never imagine that day of almost not doing anything can be so mentaly hard on me.
For no reason today I went through almost all emotions.

Sadness, Anger, confussion, hapiness, energy spike and super low levels of energy. Today I expirianced it.

Very weird….. I haven’t felt like this in very long time. This quarantine – now day 22. is not working out for me. Not at all.

On a regular day, If I was allowed out i would manage all of those feeling in a hart beat. I would meditate, go to the gym, take a ride on my motorcycle… you name it. I have my ways of controling my emotions.

But beeing locked in this room, without most of my “tools” to control my emotions – let’s say this way – it puts me off balance by a lot. and I mean a lot.

On a bright side at least now I know how to identify my emotions and where they are coming from. It makes controling them much easier.

Today I’ve actually witness how contagious my emotions are. And how some people just soak all emotions projected on them.

Take my girlfriend for example. Today we spoke. on the beginnig her mood was very good. Cheerie and bright in one word – happy. After 15min of talking to meshe looked more depressed than me and we did ended up arguing.
I do now it was my emotions which she just soaked like a sponge which caused all this. It is a plus that I realize this now. What annoyed me was that she was not able to understand how difficult is to control myself while beeing locked in here.

But how can she understand. She doesn’t have 20 crazy monkies in here head like I do………..

20 crazy monkies are subject for another time…………

I actually miss people

It is weird. I never thought I will say that but I do miss people.
It has been now 20 days since I’m stuck in hotel rooms for differet types of quarantines. It feels like such a huge waste of time. But it did make me realize that I do miss interacting with people.
Working for past 15 years in hospitality I interact with people a lot. Especially last few years while working in the large resort, large banquets, restaurants catering for over 500 people a day – before COVID of course – at the end of each day and especially on days off I stayed away from people. Preffered quiet evening over night’s out.
Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoyed working with people, even that sometimes all you want is to strangle them because of their petty complaints and trivial problems 🙈. But hey. That’s what hospitality is about. Making people libes slightly better.

Any way. coming back to the realization – yes – I do miss people a lot. in the past 20 days i spoke to friends and my girlfriend over the phone, video chat and messages. it’s all good and definately WAY much better than it must had been 30 years ago. But It’s not the same.

It is hard to pi point exactly what I miss about interacting with people, i think it’s just general presence of other humans around. When there is no one nearby, no one tot talk to, no one to spemd time with, exchange ideas and help me put my paranoia in check (when let loose it goes off the rails and I start inventing things :)) It gets weird.

For example this morning – While taking shower I came up with a plan how to move to another country, look for a new job, started counting if I have enough savings etc, etc … and all because there was a fuck up at work. Fuck up with something I wasn’t even employed to do but it is directly related to what I have to manage. So I already invented that my boss will blame this on me (he is a project leader and was responsible for it), I’l get fired and because I live on the tiny tiny island where everyone knows each other I’ll have to move because I won’t find another good job – and I have expenses 🙂

Bottom line…………… You need other people to consult your crazy ideas with. Other wise they will drive you off the rails. simple.

And no. Facebook, WhatsUp, and talking to people on line doesn’t cut it for me.

Sharing emotions must be in person – especially when having paranoid thoughts ;😉